EXCLUSIVE: “Judy’s Gout Has Killed Our Sex Life” Says Richard Madeley

EXCLUSIVE: “Judy’s Gout Has Killed Our Sex Life” Says Richard Madeley

Daytime TV legend and long-life lothario Richard Madeley has spoken candidly and openly about his wife Judy’s heartbreaking struggle with gout, caused by years of boozing and bad diet.

Gout, also known as as ‘Rich Man’s Disease’ or ‘Dragon Foot’, mainly affects gluttonous A-listers, but in recent years has been more closely associated with C-list or D-list has-been’s, such as Judy.

Speaking from the home he shares with his bed-ridden wife, as he prepared her morning tonic of Chardonnay and crushed up Co-Dydromol, he told us: “People have no idea how bad it is. Gout is a terrible disease, and Judy’s really going through the mill. She hasn’t made her own drinks in months.”

“She’s barred from all the Off Licence’s in the village, and even the Ocado delivery man insists I sign for the wine delivery each morning after one too many outbursts from her.”

“We used to have sex three, maybe four times a day during the glory days of ‘This Morning’, but nowadays I’m lucky if she wanks me off whilst watching ‘Cash In The Attic’. Do you have any idea how hard it is to maintain an erection with that blaring out?”

“I’ll be honest, I have thought about ending it all. For Judy I mean. I’ve considered carting her off to Switzerland many times. She gave me power of attorney after a particularly boozy and tearful trip to Tesco one morning last month.”

“At this rate I’ll end up getting myself a prossie. Me, Richard ‘The Weapon’ Madeley paying for sex? It’s outrageous.”

Richard can be seen arguing with the bin men over what constitutes household waste, every other Tuesday morning between 8am and 10am outside his mansion in Surrey.

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